What the fuck have I done...

God...

I just stumbled upon danielle's blog. Read things that I really shouldn't have read. Found out about things that I really shouldn't know about. God.... I feel like i'm slipping back to square one.
WHY CAN'T I FUCKING MOVE ON????

Gawd..... why? Was I really such a horrible bf? I tried to make her happy, I was really happy with her. I wanted the best for her, I did everything I could. But how? It seems like everything I did was a screw up. I.... don't know how to love? What on earth is wrong with me?

That shotgun wound is back.... I feel it, straight in my gut. It's bleeding, I feel like puking. Why??? Why can't this shit go away???? I DON'T WANT THIS HELL ANYMORE.....!!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!! GO AWAY!!!!!!!

fuck this man.... I'm not going back to square one. I've come too far for this. So what if she's happy with that fuckin hunk who swept her off her feet? So what if she's SO much happier without me? SO what if she's saying all those lubby dubby things which i always wished to hear from her to that fuckin fucker? So what if she thinks he's sexy? So what if she desires him so much? SO WHAT? Fine, I'm uglier, less charming, less funny, less muscular, less EVERYTHING. But no fucking way am I gonna let this ordeal damage my mind any further... I can no longer think straight.... my mind, common sense, everything has been scrambled. I can't afford to slip any further into this abyss.... no, i can't.

i can't.