on second thoughts...

Ok...

I must admit my previous entry was pretty much pure, unadulterated emotion. It's been a couple of hours since I've stumbled upon her blog. I've played some PS2 with my sis, and now I'm feeling considerably better.

There are several things which I have to accept. Firstly, me and her are never going to get back together. She loves someone else, and as much as I miss her, I know that I'll never be able to accept her again. Above all, there is no reason for her to ever want to return. Secondly, I have to let go of the thought, that I'll never be able to find someone like her. It's true; to this day, I do not know any person, male or female, with whom I have such a close connection to. But, I can't let that hinder me. I guess it's a matter of faith, that the Ms Right will come walking by someday.

Thirdly, is that I'm not as hopeless as I perceive myself to be. Ever since she left, my self esteem has taken an astronomical tumble into the abyss. Parts of my personality have been altered, or damaged if you like. I feel... wounded, like an animal, gradually bleeding to death from an injury. But in reality, I have to believe that I'm not the pathetic loser I envision myself to be. There are still qualities within me that still hold true. It's up to me to use them.

And finally, I have to understand that moving on is something which is absolutely crucial. If I don't get over this barrier, I'll be stuck in a spiralling web of depression and lonliness. It's up to me, myself, and I. If I don't get myself through, no one will...

The wounds from this break up have formed a nemisis within my own mind. It's like my own prision, formed from memories and false hope. I have to free myself, there is no other way...